They’re pricey, they look stupid, they reveal your religion, and there are hundreds of different kinds. You got it, they’re bike shorts.  Ever wonder why bike shorts have padding in them?  Well it all started when black knit wool was the primary material that made up bike shorts.  Now imagine pedaling your bike for hours at a time with that nice wool seam rubbing in your nether regions.  And you though dry humping your high school girlfriend gave you a bad chaff.  Well many moons ago someone decided to put something a little softer in that area, and, Voilà, you have the bike short pad.  Originally cyclists used the skin of unfortunate sheep which provided a nice smooth surface.

You wanna do what??????

Now I suppose the sheep may have been opposed by this practice but since they never bothered to unionize, it’s obviously their own damn fault.   Nowadays we have pads made out of everything but animal skins.  Most of today’s bike shorts are made out of Lycra which is so soft that the chance of chaffing your undercarriage is pretty minimal.  So why do bike shorts still have pads?  Most people think they are there for padding purposes but they actually serve another purpose.  Today’s bike pads are actually a superabsorbent material to keep sweat off of your skin.  Now in some situations having a moist crotch may be a good thing, biking is not one of those occasions.  These days the bike pad merchants are even trying to sell the community on customized configurations that would best conform to your body style.  I’m not so sure about that one….first how to you determine your conformation?

Honey, can you come trace my ass......

Here’s a thought straddle your ass over two chairs and ask your girl to sketch your structural arrangement on tracing paper…..if anybody attempts this please let me know how that turns out for you.   Which brings me to the next topic; I accept the norm for wearing Lycra when road biking but when it comes to mountain biking do you prescribe to wearing your Lycra with or without a baggy outer short?  Coming from the west coast, you would be ridiculed if you wore roadie shorts on the trails.  The jeers and hollering can be heard a half a mountain away.  However, here in TN it seems to be much more accepted.  Now considering that very few of us gain any real competitive advantage in terms of aerodynamics or weight, why would you want to subject the rest of us to a sausage casing display of your bollocks.  The exception to this is you ladies out there.  Please continue to wear those painted on Lycra pants, they are very functional and provide tremendous support to reduce muscle fatigue.

Yes, Lycra looks perfect on the ladies......

Will the future of biking contain padded bike shorts, you bet.  In fact there is even some bike shorts with dimples on them.  The technology behind that based on the concept of the golf ball.  Those dimples create a greater aerodynamic surface.  So we can all look forward to a day when our ass will look like a giant black diapered golf ball, Great……..

How many bikers do you know who only have one bike?  I venture to guess your answer would be not many.  I like most of you have a multitude of bikes lined up like eager little soldiers waiting to attack the trails like Marines at Omaha Beach.  Now how many times have your non-riding friends question your reasoning for having so many bikes?  I feebly justify mine by saying there different bikes for different riding (cross-country, freeride, all mountain, single speed, etc).

My Soldiers

Do I actually need all those bikes, no, but I choose to spend some of my discretionary income on them.  Now hoarding is a dangerous practice and one that many bikers are prone to.  However, for many of us bikes are nostalgic and remind us of our childhood.  I know that when I was child I had friends who seemed to have all the toys and of course I wanted them too.  When it comes to bikes, don’t you wish you had one of those early FUJI, Klein’s or Ritchey’s?  Or maybe some ARAYA or Campy hoops?  Hoarders love to collect stuff and the more stuff we have the better, but do I actually fall into the category when it comes to bikes?  Maybe.   Do I plan to thin the herd? No.  With 5 mountain bikes and a road bike I pale in comparison to many bikers out there who not only have more bikes than that but also have boxes of parts, frames, wheel sets, etc.   So my question is to you is how many toys are too many?  Do you have a garage full of bikes you never ride?  Do you have that classic MASI racer or equivalent?  I would love to hear your story/opinion.

First off ladies, get your mind out of the gutter, that’s not the “bigger” I’m referring to.  I’m talking about 26’ers vs. 29’ers.  I’ve been riding Mt. Bikes for close to 20 years now, and for the most part 29’ers back then had not caught on yet.  Geoff Apps, an English off-road cycling pioneer, had created an early 29’er prototype in the early 80’s but it never really caught on due to lack of available tires.  Then in the early 90’s companies like Bianchi, Diamondback, and Specialized dabble with 29’ers, but again a lack of variety of tires and forks doomed those early pioneers.  Then in the late 90’s the White Brothers created the first production suspension fork and companies like Surly and Karate Monkey introduced accompanying framesets.  Finally Gary Fisher was the first major manufacturer to come out with 29’er, and hit it big with their single-speed “Rig” in 2004.  Since then nearly every bike manufacturer has at least one 29’er as part of their lineup.   As for myself I continued to ride 26’ers until 2008 when my riding buddy, and co-blog author, Throttle had been riding Gary Fisher 29’ers for about a year at that point and convinced me to take the plunge.  My first impressions were that they were somewhat large and cumbersome, kinda like the first time you were with a “Big Girl”.  Sure they seemed to roll over obstacles easier but the tradeoff for agility didn’t seem to be worth it.  But as I rode that 29’er more over the next year I grew to handle it better and the differences seem to fade away.  The one major drawback I saw at that time seemed to be the limited suspension travel that came with 29’ers.  Most at that point had a max of 3”-4” and it did not seem to be very deep.   I guess I should qualify that my previous bike was a freeride bike with a very deep 5” of travel.  Hence going back to a pure cross-country bike was a bit of an adjustment particularly with my riding style.

2008 Kona Hei Hei 2-9

I purchased two 29’ers that year, a Kona Hei Hei 2-9 full suspension and a KHS Solo One SE single speed rigid.  Both are tons of fun when it comes to pure cross-country.  But of course after that year my yearnings for more freeride style riding returned.  So in 2009 I purchased a 26’er all-mountain bike (Kona Coilair Deluxe) with 6.5” in front and 7.5” in the rear.  As I started to ride that bike I realized how much more nimble it was compared to the 29’ers.  And the increased suspension made up for the roll-over capabilities of the 29’er.  Plus the 26’er, being an all-mountain bike, gave me many more options when it came to mixing it up on the trails.

2009 Kona Coilair Deluxe

So I am now convinced there is a place for both.  The 29’er is lighter and for cross-country racing makes more sense.  But for pure fun on the trails I have to go with the 26’er.  The debate within the mountain bike community still rages on and the advantages/disadvantages of either have not necessarily been objectively investigated.  Other than a few studies with very little scientific rigor there seems to be no clear proof as to which is better.  If you’re like me you might just find there’s a place for both in your arsenal of toys.

See you on the trails.....